I agree that there _has_ to be something beyond the politicization of being Ex-Gay. Once that particular soapbox has moved aside, what’s left? We must find our lives beyond yelling and shaking our fists at the other “side.” Then it’s time for us to set about being (as Paul writes) a part of the body of Christ.

But first…that interior battle with the person inside. Unfortunately the statistics are high that many gay folk (particularly gay youth) will not win the war against anger, depression, self-injury, and suicide.

Fr. John

I believe in one thing.. the people running religious establishment or ideology rely on people to feed them bread, that’s what we have all these agenda as human are selfish being to survive in their own way. sometimes they don’t mean what they say but the power of indulgence is so great for these people to please the other crowd.

God bless you all

The congruence for some clients will be with their sexuality. The congruence for others will be with their religious beliefs.
Clearly, some people feel that the most core aspect of them is their sexuality.
Others, on the other hand, believe that their religious values and religious beliefs are most core, and they would rather explore congruence of their behavior with those beliefs and values.

And, my question to you as a mental health professional boils down to, “Do these words accurately characterize your expertise?” If so, no further comment is necessary. If not, I look forward to seeing a more substantive response in a public venue.
I am motivated by my experience as a 14-year-old. It was 1973, and I had the luxury of conviction that the recurring flutter in my tummy about my tall buddy Brian was was a silly anomaly. I have no clue what it’s like to be a 14-year-old gay kid in today’s world, not insulated from awareness of the culture wars. With all of the adversarial messages available today, what would a 14-y/o take from your words?
And, I am motivated by my experience as a 40-something survivor of my beloved’s suicide almost 7 years ago. I have repeatedly wished that I could simply leave that experience behind. It’s a messy one — it defies my preference for speaking only to my direct personal observations and experiences because Dale entrusted me with his life before he found himself compelled to end it.
As much as I resist using the word hate, I hate the impact that losing Dale has had on me. And yet, I believe it is important for me to fully own my experience of loving and losing him. He didn’t survive his 46th year, and yet he entrusted me with so much of himself. He died without leaving an iron-clad manifesto behind for me to follow, and at the same time he died believing… oh geez, I’m at a loss to reconcile the hope I saw in him with the reality of his struggle with depression and coming-out issues.
Warren, I’m trying to picture a living, breathing person who finds him or herself in some shadow of or parallel to Dale’s experience 6 months before he died. Beloved by many, yet struggling.
If that person hears your words, without having a deeper relationship with you, just hearing the message that a faith-affirming expert has said that non-straight sexuality and faith are mutually exclusive, are you OK with that? Or, if that person does a Google search on your name, do you want them to find an unequivocal statement directly from you at your site that you regret the impression created by your CNN appearance?
Or, do you want that person to find something more couched, less definitive?
I know it’s politically incorrect, but I am firmly, rationally, intellectually convinced that the things I said and did prior to Dale’s suicide may have contributed to the outcome, and that different words and choices on my part might have changed the outcome.
So, that speaks to my core issues. I’m feeling exposed, and OK with making myself vulnerable, yet needing to close now.
Hoping you are well…

My experience includes being told the things I mentioned — that I favored my sexuality at the expense of my faith, that I chose selfishness over selflessness, and cheap grace over personal sacrifice — and thus I did not attribute those words to you. What I did was point out the synergy between those words and your words.

My partner Dale received similar messages along with ultimatums from well-meaning people of faith that he needed to either be ex-gay or abandon his music ministry. When they wanted to offer him hope, his despair increased instead.

I can accept that you were speaking to your personal experience. CNN’s invitation to you wasn’t driven by their sense that you have intriguing anecdotal observations to offer, though, right? You were there to speak as a national expert in your field. That role, particularly in the context of your ethical commitments, carries a responsibility to emphasize evidence over anecdotes.

I encourage you to think about cultural and political context, Warren. Politically- and religiously-motivated leaders routinely reinforce stereotypes that gays and gay-affirming folks are not just faithless, we are enemies of traditional faith.

So, my perception of the CNN segment is that an expert’s podium was used to reinforce a hurtful stereotype, though perhaps unintentionally. When I re-read the words I’m referring to, they remain clear and unqualified to me: Some people choose allegiance to their sexuality, the rest to their faith.

If that perception is contrary to your intent, or you don’t want it to stand unaltered and unqualified as part of your professional legacy, the option is yours to clarify as much at your site.

To be clear, I didn’t say was offended; I noted that I felt an ache.

And, if I understand your apology, you’re sorry about my feelings, not about the message offered on air?

I am licensed in Ohio as an professional clinical counselor. It is currently inactive since I don’t live there. I helped write the PA counseling law and have applied for LPC here. My file was lost by the board recently and I am recreating the paper work. It is lengthy. It is true in PA that the law is a title law, meaning that you can practice without a license if you do not use the title LPC. In my consultation practice, I do not use this title.

Regarding the CNN statements, I was not referring to all possible resolutions of conflict. I am very aware that one may maintain religious commitment and be gay. This is completely envisioned by the sexual identity therapy framework. Please do read it, I think it will address your concerns.

What I said on CNN is absolutely true for many people in my experience and actually was stated in so many words by Dr. McCommon preceding me. However, it was not complete and in that context (brief interview answering a direct question from an interviewer), I do not understand why you would expect it to be.

You wrote:

One of the thinnest stereotypes of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and other queer-identified folks is that we have made a choice favoring our sexuality at the expense of our faith. With words similar to Dr. Throckmorton’s, we are cast as prioritizing sexuality above all else, choosing selfishness over selflessness, cheap grace over personal sacrifice.

I did not say you chose selfishness over selflessness, nor did I judge any choice made by a person regarding their sexual identity distress. If given more time and a different question/context, I would have been able to describe the person who integrates sexuality and faith in a way that incorporates both as primary aspects of identity.

I am really sorry you felt offended by the segment but if you will examine my work, I hope you come to a different conclusion than you have written here.

I share your sense that all survivors should be heard and respected.

My experience challenges me to work first for the sorts of changes in our communities which will help all of us survive.

Take care…